Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Have No Regrets - Connecting is Crucial to Kids

What would you regret?
This guest blog is written by Stacy Humphrey. She and her husband Troy are raising six adopted and foster children, from age two to 13 years old. They are also still very active in the lives of their four adult children. 

Stacy is also very active at Berean Christian Church in Murphysboro, Illinois and is often sought out for her wisdom regarding child rearing in today's world. 


By Stacy Humphrey

What do we regret?

I read an article quoting R.C. Sproul Jr. reflecting on his deepest regret that he did not hold his wife’s hand more when she was alive:

“It’s not, of course, that I never held her hand.  It is likely, however, that I didn’t as often as she would have liked. Holding her hand communicates to her in a simple yet profound way that we are connected.”

I once heard a pastor's wife who was losing a battle to cancer say,  “I wish we had had people over to eat more often”.

I wish I had read more books to my kids, held them longer, listened with interest when they shared.

In these regrets I am finding we do not like to think we have missed a  connection with those around us.  And God is teaching me how to not miss those connections with my kids.

One way I connect is through touch:  I am deliberately trying to touch each one of my children seven times a day.  There is no magic to the number seven, it is just the number I picked.  This is easy with the preschoolers who wrap around my leg or neck every time I try to move; but a little harder with the teenager.  Ruffled hair, a literal pat on the back, an arm squeeze, a side hug, just little touches that say I accept you and want to be connected to you.

Another connection is through interest in them.  I try to ask questions other than, “How was school?”. Questions like:

Which story did your teacher read to the class today?
Is there anything you are not looking forward to at school?
What has been your most favorite activity so far this year?
What has been your least favorite activity?
What was your favorite part of your day?
Did anything frustrate you at school today?
Do you have any questions that maybe your teacher couldn’t answer?
Who did you sit by during lunch? What did you all talk about?
Who did you play with today?
What do you feel you need to pray for most about school?


This also means I get to hear about and listen with interest to the details of a new Lego design, what is so great about a new Pokemon deck, and how to beat the Boss Bad Guy in a video game.  Along with hearing and listening to how they are doing gymnastic routines on the monkey bars, what matching outfits they should buy and reading many stories and poems.  These things do not interest me in the least, but they interest my children, so I am willing to learn from them and about the things that matter to them.

You can contact Stacy Humphrey through Berean Christian Church at info@bereanconnect.com. Put "Stacy" in the subject line. For more info about Berean Christian Church go to www.bereanconnect.com.    

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